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Opening up about my recent surgery hasn’t been the easiest for me. I feel like… I am still processing it myself. At some point when I am ready to go into depth about it, I will. But right now I am struggling with horrible anxiety stemming from years misdiagnosis and the battles of facing recovery – yet again. And at times I can’t help but feel angry and confused at to how things have come to be. 

After I took this picture the only caption I could think of that would fit it was – “my soul slides away, but don’t look back in anger I heard you say”⁣⁣

Anxiety is a bitter old friend of mine. I say friend because there is definitely something familiar about it. 

“my soul slides away, but don’t look back in anger I heard you say”

Over this last year, I haven’t been struggling with it as much as I used to … but naturally a big life event such as surgery and diagnosis has seemed to resurrect it without warning. And in anxiety’s classic fashion, it has pushed me around unlike anything I have ever experienced. 

With times of change in my life, often comes that feeling of uneasiness. And right now I can’t help but feel like I am struggling with trusting my intuition. Like most anxiety sufferers – its hard to distinguish what is anxiety and what is a gut feeling. So, my overall default answer to everything is: wishing I could do more in all areas of my life.

All of that stress comes with enormous amounts of pressure that we layer upon ourselves — which really just hurts us more than it helps. 

I recently came across this quote which really spoke to me …

Just because you carry it all so well,
Doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.

I feel like this quote shows – that yeah even though we manage to get through life reasonably well and can handle things – It doesn’t mean that what we are dealing with isn’t heavy stuff. I think sometimes we really do forget to:

  • Stop,
  • Take it all in and,
  • Appreciate how far we have come and how much we are carrying.

Never forget that even when you are experiencing awful things – there are antidotes. There are methods and things that can help ease the pain and symptoms surrounding anxiety. 

Please go see one of my previous posts – TOP TIPS FOR ANXIETY ATTACKS FROM FELLOW ANXIETY SUFFERERS It outlines soooo many ways to ease and improve anxiety. And I am sure you will find something that is right for you – and is a good fit.

This post is extremely different to my normal ones, but with this new obstacle I hope to take you along with me as I aim to overcome it over the next few months.

I want to start a new series where I trial different techniques, talk about some things and report back to you as well as sharing things I notice on the way. 

Never give up hope. 

Lots of love, Susie

Find Your Own Hope

Welcome to my little corner of the internet where I share my journey of finding hope and enjoying life's simple pleasures. Find out more about me...




  • Radi

    This quote is so true. I wish you well and hope everything gets better.

    • sadminray

      Yeh it is – isn’t it?? Thanks so much Radi xx Hope you are well too

  • Rena

    Dear Susie, I can imagine it is everything than easy for you at the moment. Sending you power and love and yes, this quote is so true. Love the wonderful pictures and your cute shirt!
    xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena

    • sadminray

      Hi Rena! Yeah, it has been a bit of a tough time at the moment. Thanks for your love and support <3 Sending you love back!! Thanks so much xx

      • Rena

        You can be so proud of you! Thank you so much <3

        • sadminray

          So much love <3

  • Emma (Not Just Tired)

    Well done for being brave enough to open up about your struggles. It helps so many others know they’re not alone. I’m going to share it on Twitter. I too struggle with anxiety and some days/spells it’s very tough. I’m not surprised that going through something as huge as surgery has led to a difficult time with this. I hope you recover as quickly as possible and I wish you some much better spells ahead. In the meantime be very kind and gentle with yourself. You inspire so many other people, so always remember that. Love the quote by the way! Lots of Love, Emma (Not Just Tired)

    • sadminray

      Thank you so much! I really appreciate your constant support, it means so much <3 I will try to remember to be kind and gentle. Thank you sooooo very much for your comment - you have made my day 🙂

  • sarah

    I totally feel you, Susie because I’ve been there before. Thank you for sharing the quotes, I really needed that.

    • sadminray

      Thank you for understanding <3 Anytime xx

  • Allie Mackin

    I am sorry to hear you had to have surgery. But happy that at least there was a diagnosis. I hear you I suffered with health problems for two decades and misdiagnosed for two decades to finally be diagnosed correctly to only be told “there is no cure” and what they needed to do — surgery was the cause. I suffer from adhesions which is an allergic reaction to surgery or more correctly to the gas that is used in the abdomen to separate the major organs during surgery. Some people are allergic and their bodies react by growing a form of scar tissue ( as a form of protection) but they grow on to all the major organs and in my case embedded in to the bladder and damaged it and then all the organs grew together and then adhered to the abdominal wall.

    I had surgery to release them but as it is cased by the process of surgery, more developed and i then developed SIBO which is similar to Chrones. So yeah I get it, it is not easy. To this day I live with chronic pain and discomfort but I take it one day at time or it gets overwhelming.

    So take it one day at a time…

    Allie of

    • sadminray

      I really appreciate you opening up and sharing your story with me. I am sorry to hear you have had such a rough time with things. I hope that you are having a low symptom day today. Thank you for the advice Allie <3 it means a lot xx

  • Grace Louise

    This is such a lovely post Hun and so important. It’s so important to just take it one day at a time when things are hard and you feel out of control x

    Grace Louise ||

    • sadminray

      Thanks Grace! You are so right – take things one day at a time when its hard is the best way x Thank you for the love

  • Minhal

    Wow I really needed that quote. Sending lots of love and positive vibes your way <3

    • sadminray

      Yeh its such a good one hey? Thank you xx

  • mercy

    I so love this quote too ‘Just because you carry it all so well, doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.’ It shows that there’s a hidden strength in all of us, for me I would keep going strong because of my children and I shouldn’t deny that God gives me strength too. I’m wishing you well Susie, I know you can do it all as you always have.

    • sadminray

      Yes there really is hidden strength in us all <3 Thank you xx

  • Anya Dryagina

    This is a really interesting topic! I’m glad I visited your blog and found out about it

    • sadminray

      Thank you for stopping by x

  • Kara

    You are so brave for being open and honest about what you’re going through. I hope you are recovering well from your surgery. And I really love that quote a lot. It is so true how we often think that since we are managing it all so well it means it’s not heavy stuff we are dealing with. Sending lots of love and positivity your way!

    x Kara |

    • sadminray

      Thanks so much Kara! Recovery has been a bit rocky but its getting there. I really love that quote too! Thanks for the positivity – I am sending it back too 🙂 xx

  • Nancy

    Anxiety gets the best of us and it’s important to seek help when possible. I love these tips that you give – I try to appreciate as much as I can but it gets hard sometimes. Life can definitely be a lot worse. Thanks for sharing these positive vibes. Sending you lots of love.

    Nancy ♥

    • sadminray

      Yes so true. Help is always a good idea <3

  • Maria

    Susie, your honesty and sincerity that you shared in this post is beautiful. I’m sorry you’ve been experiencing some difficult moments. I completely relate to your situation. Very lovely picture with the sunflowers 🙂

    • sadminray

      Thank you so much Maria! I really appreciate your comment and support <3 Also yes I love sunflowers too hehehe

  • Ania

    I am so glad that you oven yourselve and tell us what doubts you.

    • sadminray

      Thank you <3

  • Clarice

    Que artigo sensacional, seu blog é muito bom mesmo, estou toda semana visitando e lendo seus artigos.


    Meu Blog: Capixaba Cap

    • sadminray

      Thanks so much!! You are too kind <3

  • Anya Dryagina

    It’s really interesting topic! I’m so glad I went to your blog and found out about it)

    • sadminray

      Thanks Anya!

  • Simone

    Love your honesty! And yes, never give up hope. There is something good to come for everyone of us.

    xx Simone
    Little Glittery Box

  • Jaysa Santos

    Adorei sua postagem de hoje, sempre estou aqui acompanhando seu blog. Tenho aprendido muitas coisas legais aqui e te agradeço por compartilhar…


    Meu Blog: Dicas da Web

  • Clipping Path

    Love this post, for its attractiveness.

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