Fear and Perfection

I’ve always tried to do my best and thought trying my hardest is all I can do. This is true, however I’ve realised this lead to constant disappointment. I didn’t realise I was actually trying to be a perfectionist, mainly because I didn’t have the usual traits or OCD behaviour. I just wanted to be perfectly well, feel perfect and for things to go smoothly. Who doesn’t? This doesn’t seem unreasonable to me. But what is feeling perfectly well? and why would things not be great just because it isn’t perfect? 

I feel that there is an in-between stage when you’re getting better. Your health is improving and you can do a little more but where do you draw the line? I still do not feel 100% well and this continues to shatter my confidence. 

I’ve held this belief that I’m not able to or not good enough to do things. Yet I did not want to settle for less, I wanted to feel normal. But for everyone and for me personally with chronic conditions all our normals are different. We aren’t all the same and we can’t judge ourselves on others standards. I’ll try to do my best and be my best – so what if it does not perfectly mirror somebody else’s best. We have to set our own goals and standards. There’s only one of you out there in the world and that is the most beautiful thing. We’re not meant to be the same, if we were it would be awfully boring. Meaning we all have different things to offer.

Don't Get Cold Feet

I have come to realise that my anxiety stemmed from fear. The fear of things not being perfect. “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”- I cannot appreciate this statement enough, as soon as let the fear in it became hard to get rid of it. I believe I worried that I would not be well enough, and I feared the disappointment. I feared things going wrong and then it may further diminish my confidence. I felt I had been disappointed enough. But who controls our disappointment? You, and you alone. WE are the ones who determine how we respond to things not going our way or life throwing unexpected events towards us. This is when we need to focus on what we have, what we can make and what we can learn from these situations. 

Fear has more power than I ever expected and has the influence to change our approach to life and cloud our views. If we replace fear with belief in ourselves, how much more power and strength we will gain. We will be stronger in facing our ‘fears’ and become far more likely to tackle them. Even if you do not believe just yet, I believe in you. 

Another thing I have learnt is to stop worrying for the things that ‘may happen’, all the ‘what ifs’. These are purely chances. Focus on the now! Do not let things that may never happen or the future ruin what you have now. All we have is now so enjoy it don’t waste it worrying. I know this is hard to do so: 

             Just take a few deep breaths, 
             Remove yourself – even just go sit in a different room to get into a different                            headspace, 
             Have a shower or bath and wash it all away, 
             Distract yourself by doing something you love.

Just do not waste your time and precious energy worrying.

42 thoughts on “Fear and Perfection”

  1. I sometimes feel like this especially with the writing and the blog that I have. I constantly feel and think of how I need to always improve on it but what I haven't realized is what should I do in the present situation. I kept on perfecting things through my thoughts but never actually worked on it. Most of the time too, I take hot showers to renew my thoughts (and strength) and just keep doing what I'm passionate about and not worrying of someone else' opinion. Love the write up!!

  2. This was a great message to spread. I am a perfectionist and it hasn't added anything positive to my life. Instead, it adds more anxiety and stresses my relationship with others. While it's hard, I will try to take deep breaths and spend my time doing something other than worrying, and I hope you'll do the same! 🙂 Thank you for the advice.

  3. Thank you! It really does and I find it can really restrict our lives too, might be good to practice breathing and other things to free up yourself <3 It makes me feel better for sure!

  4. Gosh, this post is oh so true – I don't think I've ever related to one quite so much. It's crazy how different we all are, each with our own insecurities, issues and vulnerabilities. It's only since I've started getting older that I've really been able to appreciate it. Whilst one person's normal might be breakfast, work, bed, someone else's (mine) might be having to do a range of routines even before they get out of bed. Your tips are so important, worrying is such a waste of time – I'll bear this is mind!

    //teandtwosugars.blogspot.com xx

  5. This was what I needed to read today! You're right about us controlling our disappointments, I've been feeling that way lately but realized it's all about how we react to bumps in the road in life. Not everything will be perfect, but in the end, that's the beauty of it! xx

    Sending light & love your way,

    My Lovelier Days

  6. This is good advice, thank you for sharing! It can be hard sometimes not to worry, but fears are often unfounded and it's best if we don't fixate on all the what-ifs, and just do the best we can in any given situation!

    Hope you have had a lovely weekend 🙂

    Away From The Blue Blog

  7. This was a great message. I am a perfectionist and it doesn't help me in life. It only adds stress, anxiety and procrastination because I fear not being perfect. Trying to distract myself helps!


  8. Thanks for sharing a very inspiring message. I guess we all tend to have times like this, times when we feel like we're not making any progress, or maybe, just maybe, we're not good enough no matter how much we try. But one thing I have learned is that I should surrender everything to God including all my worries and fears. Because with Him, I shouldn't worry as long as I pray and talk to Him everyday. I hope you continue to feel better and stay positive despite all the negative things around us. 🙂

    Anyway, have you heard about Rosegal's ongoing promos and discounts for the whole month of November? If not, you may want to check it out now! https://m.rosegal.com/promo… ♥

    Hear from you soon!

    Love, Airish
    Gorgeous Glance

  9. Such an honest insight. I also come to realise these fears are hard to conquer when I keep it alone. When I talk about it to my loved ones it begins to feel lighter. Most of all, if I meditate and surrender it to God I feel hope and reassurance that someone is taking care over me. Great post darl, so helpful!


  10. I love this post. It's funny how much we all as humans pretend we are so different from each other but reading this post, it felt word for word as if I had written it all myself. The fears we all struggle with are the same and truly if we open ourselves upland share them as you are, we see that we are not alone, that others are feeling the exact same things as us. Thank you for putting this into words. It is so enjoyable and so honest and open, I commend you for it. You are enough as you are, we all are. 😊

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